I often wonder, while gorging on chocolate Red Mango, lying around reading crappy tabloids, do I really want to embark on a quest to improve?

After all, self actualization is practically a national pastime. A smorgasbord of T.V. talk shows, magazines and social media flaunt priviledged beautiful people striving for more privilege and beauty. But they don’t want to strive alone. Oh no, they want to tempt us. Taunt us. Compel us to think: If other people can find happiness and inner peace. Then, damn it, why can’t I?

So one lazy, un actualized Sunday, I decided to put down that ice cream, dry shampoo my hair, hoist myself off the couch and give it a shot.

Scanning the women’s magazines, the bible for social and psychological issues lite, I discovered that self actualization (SA) it is a hotbed of psychological issues and acronyms. Some woman suffer from AUSA (An Absolute Unwillingness to SA). Others from UOBP (An Unrelenting Obsession to SA) The rest of us are simply USAUS (Unlikely to SA unless shamed into it).

So, what to do?

Make positive proclamations. Don’t say, I will whine less. Say, I will complain in a less nasal tone. Don’t say, I’m fat. Say, yes, my ass is badass, but my houseguest just mistook my jeans for a table runner.

Avoid words like selfish or lazy. Instead, vow to stop beating your elderly neighbor to the elevator, dodging that needy friend, or repeatedly chanting wingardium leviosa at your remote before actually walking across the room to retrieve it.

Also, embrace exercise! Learn to love Soul Cycle, even though the painfully hard aerodynamical seat (perplexing because the bike is stationary) brings you to tears.

Commit to get thinner, yet comfortable with your own body. Strive for success, yet be satisfied with the limits of your ability. Be more flexible. Be less of a tight ass. Stop calling yourself a tight ass.

Yeesh. Does one never tire of wanting to self improve?

And what about the long run? When I was younger, SA meant good grades, a fun job, a hipster mate. But now it means finding the most supportive, yet comfortable bra, Spanx, heel pain plantar fasciitis inserts for my shoes and makeup that doesn’t sit in my creases.

One sad day my goal might be to find an attractive, Easy Spirit golf shoe and tapioca that doesn’t gum up my dentures or give me gas.

Maybe the problem is that thinking too much about self improvement encourages too much self contemplation or IBMA (I’m Boring Myself Already) or, at its extreme, HTFUA (My Head is Too Far Up my Own Ass).

Perhaps the best way to improve is to just have fun. Remember happy times, make a friend by being a friend, delight in a decadent dessert then walk it off. Invite your elderly neighbor along.

In other words. BLJY, Be Less Judge y of Yourself. And just TETR, Try and Enjoy the Ride.