Hi, people-trying-to-police-the-way-that-women-speak!!!!!

SO SORRY, but I just think that society should stop policing how women speak? And I think maybe we women should just, like, stop caring about how society keeps hating on the way that we communicate? Do you know what I mean?

I mean, I’m no expert, but it’s just that there has kind of been an increase in the amount of attention that society and the media put on the way women talk. People like Sheryl Sandberg, Sloane Crosley, and Amy Schumer are all, “but we are empowering women!” I’m not sure, but I wonder if all of this speech-policing — even by other women — might actually be making women less confident in their communication, maybe?

There are even studies that show that men use vocal fry and upspeak just as much as or even more than women. But, basically, women are penalized for using words like “sorry” and “just” and other “undermining language,” while everyone is like, “speak however you want!” to the men. I’m not sure, but this seems supes unfair. Like, where are all the articles and hand wringing about the way men speak, right? This, for reals, sucks. Ugh, it’s the actual worst.

Plus, maybe talking like a Valley Girl or whatevs is totally an effective way to communicate — like, our way to get what we want while being nice. And, like, even if we did change the way that we talk, you guys wouldn’t like that either. You’d be like, “this girl is a total bitch” or something because we’re too direct. So women sort of can’t win! OMG!

For funsies, maybe let’s just stop policing women’s communication? Because, honestly, I can’t. I literally can’t even. Like, shut up already about how we speak! No, for reals shut up. Because, actually, we, um, literally do not give a shit what you think. Literally.